Why save sex for marriage?

When God creates something, He creates it with purpose and  design. The Genesis account of creation makes it clear that God’s creation is  “good” Genesis 1:31 In  the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. But mankind has a  history of distorting what God has made, whether out of ignorance or just plain  stubbornness. The golden calf of the Israelite’s, for example. Gold is beautiful  to look at, but God clearly did not want His people worshipping it.

Sex (and yes, sex was God’s idea) is no different. God  created it, and therefore it is reasonable to expect that it is good. But when  man distorts it by ignoring God’s specific standards, it becomes harmful and  destructive. So the question we’ve asked ‘why save sex for marriage’ is really a  question of understanding God’s purpose and design for sex. We can choose to do  things God’s way, and experience the beauty of His plan, or we can choose to do  things our way, and experience harm and destruction  Proverbs 16:25. There is a way that seems right  to a man, but in the end it leads to death.

So, let’s talk first about why God created sex. One  reason is obvious: procreation. When God told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and  multiply” Genesis 1:28, God blessed them and said to the????????????????????????????????????????????????????????m, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the  earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and  over every living creature that moves on the ground.” they probably  thought that He wanted them to have sex. But God also wanted them to develop  intimacy with one another, and He knew that sex would help them do that, in a  way that nothing else could.

God also knew that because sex is so powerful in creating  intimacy that there must be some constraints on how it was to be used, so He  specifically relegated sex to the area of marriage. The kind of intimacy that  God desires between a married couple cannot occur between one person and several  others; it can only be experienced between one man and one woman. Hence God has  specifically said, “Do not commit adultery” Exodus 20:14 You shall not commit adultery. and “Flee  sexual immorality” 1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man  commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own  body. That is, do not have sex with someone who is not your spouse.  Obedience requires that sex be reserved for your spouse.

So far we have two basic reasons to save sex for marriage:

(1) God tells us to, and

(2) God’s purpose and design for sex cannot be fully  achieved any other way.

Many, though, have argued that non-marriage sex is not all  that harmful. Let’s look carefully at the potential consequences for this  particular area of disobedience.

Sex outside of marriage causes damage

The physical consequences are becoming increasingly obvious  and increasingly dangerous in today’s society. AIDS and other Sexually  Transmitted Diseases are frightening realities. “Safe sex” would be more  accurately described as “reduced risk sex.” The only truly safe sex is  abstinence. There is also a very real risk that children could be born — and  possibly grow up without two parents. Your actions affect your life, your  partner’s life, and the lives of your family.

Sex outside of marriage damages the relationship between  the persons involved. Trust is the main issue here. If two people do not cherish  sex enough to wait for a marriage commitment, how can they trust one another for  fidelity? Conversely, a man and woman build trust and respect for one another  when they both survive the struggles of self-control – each will have the  confidence that the other respects them, and cherishes their intimacy.

Also, if a person has not carried sexual purity into  marriage, his or her marriage relationship is affected by the past. If a man or  woman has previously had sex with someone else, their marital intimacy has  already been affected. One or both spouses will have to deal with real or  perceived comparisons with “former lovers” and feeling that intimacy was not  important enough for the other person to wait for it. But if both have waited  for their wedding night, the intimacy has already begun with a solid foundation.

Why save sex for marriage?

(1) God commands us to,

(2) God’s purpose and design for sex can only be achieved  within marriage, and

(3) the physical and relational consequences of sex outside  of marriage are painfully real.

“But we’re in love!” some might say. Maybe so, but  if you believe in God’s definition of love, he must realise that love is patient  and kind; it does not seek to please itself, nor does it delight in evil, but is  always hopeful 1 Corinthians 13:1 If  I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a  clanging cymbal. 2If I  have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if  I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess  to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

 4Love  is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5It is not rude, it is  not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight  in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It  always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 8Love  never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are  tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and  we prophesy in part, 10but  when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a  child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I  put childish ways behind me. 12Now  we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now  I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

 13And  now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

True love would be patient in waiting for the proper time  for sex.

It would be kind to future spouses by not pre-harming  marital intimacy. True love would be unselfish in placing God’s desires and the  needs of others above itself. It would not delight in the evil of disobedience,  nor would it force another to disobey God. Love could never be a reason for  premarital sex; rather, it should be one of the greatest reasons to avoid premarital sex.

“But we’re going to be married anyway”

But we’re going to be married anyway is another  common excuse. Along with being presumptuous, this stance will almost certainly  leave one question unanswered: If you give in to moral temptation before  marriage, what’s to stop you from giving in to moral temptation once married?

“What if it’s too late? What if I’ve already lost my  sexual purity?”

Good question! Certainly a person cannot reverse the past,  but there are a number of steps you should take to keep from further damaging  your intimacy with God and others.
First, acknowledge your actions as sin. For those who have accepted Christ’s  payment of the penalty for their sins, He asks only that they confess – agree  with God that they are sinful.

Second, maintain purity from this moment  forward. Jesus told the woman caught in sexual sin to “go and sin no more” John 8:11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn  you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” You cannot change what’s been done, but you can keep yourself and others from  any further damage by avoiding situations which might cause you to compromise  your commitment to sexual purity. Paul advised Timothy to run away from  temptation 2 Timothy 2:22 Flee the evil desires of  youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who  call on the Lord out of a pure heart. and Joseph is famous for running  from moral danger Genesis 39:7-12 and after a while his master’s wife took notice of  Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” 8 But he refused. “With me in charge,” he told her, “my master does not concern  himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my  care. 9 No one is greater  in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you,  because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin  against God?” 10 And  though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or  even be with her. 11One day he went into the house to  attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside.12 She caught him by his  cloak and said, “Come to bed with me!” But he left his cloak in her hand and ran  out of the house.

Third, be honest with anyone who is a “potential spouse” –  don’t wait till your wedding night to discuss your sexual past. Some intimacy  problems may be averted if you address them early on.

Sex is a good thing. It must be, if God created it! The  only way to keep it a “good thing” is to follow God’s guidelines. God will  reward you if you choose to honour Him, and save sex for its proper time and  place – your marriage.

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1 Response to Why save sex for marriage?

  1. Nicholas Haydon says:

    Great blog Ian, a subject close to my heart as i came to faith late in life and fell into all sorts of sexual sin…..another real danger with sex outside the confines of marriage is the spiritual damage caused by becoming ‘one flesh’. The OT speaks much about the danger of ‘worshiping of other gods’ if the Israelites ‘joined’ themselves to other peoples. A major issue in the body of Christ today is lack of knowledge on the dangers of sexual immorality and the doors it opens to the demonic realm. A key issue regarding the spirit which comes against the prophetic voice of the church was the worship of male and female deities (Baal and Ashera) by Jezebel. I believe this is a key factor in ‘confused sexuality’ as well. As we worship the creature as opposed to the creator, we become open to demonic deception. Maybe the stance of some areas of the church today regarding ‘same sex’ relationships has been born out of a liberal view of sexual purity that has let deception in?…….after all….how can anybody who reads the bible believe that sexual immorality or ‘same sex’ sexual relationships are acceptable? ……unless deception has come in through open doors?

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